This speaks for itself...

Doornag, God of Sidewalks

That's right, I am calling my shot, I will win the lottery tonight.  I had a dream last night and I always listen when the gods speak to me; they are never wrong. I was presented with the Powerball numbers for tonight's drawing by Doornag the God of Sidewalks.  He presented the numbers to me via wheelbarrow which is a sign wealth and luck dating back to the Egyptians. The Wheelbarrow  contained 5 numbers...NO, I will not share these with you. I know what you are thinking, "That's not enough numbers Stoney Jones".  Well hold your horses! This brings me to the second part of my dream.  After Doornag vanished into the mist, no more than 6.9 seconds later arrived Hash-Hash The God of Breakfast.  He presented me with an egg that I cracked open.  Out of the egg flew 39 little chickens!  Chickens have always been know as powerful creatures especially to the Aztecs.  So these 39 powerful little chickens represented the power ball number thus completing my $485 million dollar dream.  The certainty that this dream provided was such that I have already quit my part-time job at Baskin-N-Robbins, and put a down payment on an iPhone9. So tomorrow morning when news breaks of my winnings, I will already be half way to Moscow.

Graciously Yours,

Stoney 'Lock-Shtock' Jones

$toney Jones has submitted his entry to the One Shot contest brought to you by SMH Records. Show your love and drop a vote for $toney Jone$ by clicking HERE.

Below is $toney's submission to the contest, or you can also see it here. 

A monumental discovery occurred early yesterday morning as paleontologists uncovered the bones for the elusive, yet highly debated, Durasoraus. The Durasoraus, aka Dura-Dura, was believed to have only existed in what is now modern China; however, the bones were dug up under an overpass in Tampa, Florida. Dura-Dura's are believed to be the loudest of all dinosaurs with an unquenchable thirst for duck butter. More to follow on this exciting development....

Here's a fresh tip: listen to this freestyle and don't get kicked by a Zorse (half horse, half zebra).

$TONEY'S BACK!!! He officially is done making trips to West Africa to cure Ebola with his life-saving blood. Yes, the same blood that cured polio. Squirty!

Oh snap son! Looks like $toney Jones' alter-ego, J-Will aka White Chocolate, has been making a few waves in the pro-am in Orlando. $toney learned everything he knows about hoops from the hands of senor chocolate blanco. From elbow passes, to no looks, $toney owes his hoop life to this crazy cracker...wait, are they brothers? 

Here's our boy White Chocolate showcasing his skills at a recent event (note: listen to the very first line of the video, total $toney) -->

We are pleased to announce that $toney Jones Vol. 1 ("$toney's On Fire") has been located from deep within the Smithsonian vaults and they've been restored for all mankind.

Drink in these frosty throwback jams and prepare yourself for an eargasm or two. All courtesy of $toney Jone$:

You've undoubtedly been scratching your head wondering, "Gee willikers, why does today's music suck?" Well my friends and fellow humanoids, $toney Jones has come to the rescue once again. We'll hold for your applause...

Ok, now that that's out of the way, we'd like to introduce you to your new favorite song as well as your new favorite dance all thanks to Dr. $toney 'Scones' Jones Esquire.

Surgeon general's WARNING: this video may cause immediate arousal, dance-pants syndrome, and type 17 diabetes. Enjoy.

Introducing for the first time, "Do Dat" by $toney Jones off his latest LP: $toney's on FIRE: Vol. 30

Happy Belated Turkey Day! $toney Jones has been busy filming a new music video...here it is for your viewing pleasure: