Blog Archives

Come On World, What Is Your Deal?!?

1/18/2013

We've got issues all over the place, from Manti Te'o getting catfished hard to Lance Armstrong's issues with roids. First of all, cut Manti a little slack. If anything, we should feel bad for the dude. He was a victim of an online relationship hoax...aka a Facebook Relationshit. Then, we've got this Armstrong fella to deal with. Ok, he did roids, but did we already forget that he had brain, lung, and ball cancer?! Can't we cut the dude some damn slack? Oh yeah, and we're still talking about bicycle racing right?!? Who gives a scheiße? Now that I'm on a German rant, enjoy the following brought to you by today's sponsors Zauberfleks & Boost Mobile.

Happy Friday Peeps!
$toney 'Einstein Boostinspiel' Jones

A Moment For Greatness

1/11/2013

The following is a poem written for the greatest teacher I've ever had, Mr. Garfsnarkle.

Intelligence

What makes a human learn? Is it in his desire to grow?
Does it stem from wanting to be right and always in the know?
Whether its weather that you crave,
Or even learning how to be brave,
We can always learn a thing or two or three,
Just open a book and your mind, while reading under a tree.

He taught us that five times seven equals rainbows,
And that 14,567 miles per hour is how fast a train goes.
Putting two heads together won't make lemonade,
And frozen barracuda is best enjoyed while in the shade.
A man who counts his money and not his memories is a big fat miser,
And "I before E" except when talking about Budweiser.
When you get older things stop working,
And at any given moment there are dragons lurking.
He showed us how to make duck butter and glue,
And even explained how with 2 sticks of jelly you can cure the flu.
He once dissected a full grown whale shark,
And even provided reasons for us to be scared of the dark.

Mr. Garfsnarkle thanks for the infinite brain juice,
You loosened the leash to let my thoughts loose,
Helping me to learn to see through the layers into the truth,
Learning became my candy with which I could never fulfill my sweet tooth.
All thanks to you, I now know more than I did back then,
Even though the delightful Mr. Garfsnarkle was just my imaginary friend.

It's On Like A Prawn On The Lawn @ Dawn

1/10/2013

We've got some heavy bidding action already on this beautiful piece by $toney. Here is a quick update on where we stand:

1st Bid ($15) comes from Mike P. with a note "Gonna put this above my bed"
2nd Bid ($52.35) comes from 'Your Mom'. Not sure whose Mom this is, but hey, nicely done!
3rd Bid ($69) comes from $toney himself along with this "I love 3 things in life: Bobby Labonte, a cold PBR, & my own artwork".
4th & Currently the Highest Bid ($75) comes from a gentleman who calls himself 'The Enchantment'

Looks like this is going to be one heckuva bid brawl. Keep those bids flowing in as the final bid deadline is this Sat. 12th @ 10:30pm EST. Check under your couch cushions, rob a Baskin Robbins, just don't miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity to own a piece of $toney Jones history.

Calling All Art Lovers

1/9/2013

Hi and welcome to the 1st ever $toney Jones Art Auction!!!

Do you like having out of body experiences? Do you enjoy letting your mind drift into the world of wonderment? Of course you do!

Well, then feast your eyeballs on this new piece from the $toney 'Bob Ross' Jones and let yourself contemplate the meaning of the universe. This piece, entitled "Drifter's Watch," was composed during a week spent in isolation while traversing the Exhumas.

We here @stoneyjones.com are going to have an online auction for this beautiful piece. All proceeds will go to charity and the winner will get this painting signed by Dr. Jones himself. So, tell your friends and get involved.

Sincerely,
The Stoney Jones Editorial Crew

This...is a tribute

1/8/2013

Will Ferrell is, well, scrumtrulescent. At a recent outing at Barnes & Noble, I overheard a middle-aged fellow state the Will Ferrell is outdated and old news. Ok, so no one in their right mind except me saw 'The Campaign', but we're talking about Papa Fu&(!ng Burgundy. Let's get the Will Ferrell bandwagon back in motion. Who's with me?

$toney "Dale Doback Jr" Jones

Not only do I miss Bush as Presidente del America, but I miss Will as Bush. Not to be confused with Will's bush. Enjoy.

Happy Nu Year!

1/2/2013

Time to drop using the phrase "cray-cray" and "YOLO" as 2012 has finally come to a close. Time again for resolutions like "wearing pants in public" and "no longer getting hammered...at Wendy's". Let's all go jump off a fiscal cliff and start 2013 right.

Peace, love, & marionettes,
$toney 'Overpass' Jones