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Ellen vs Stoney

2/18/2015

 

This speaks for itself...

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I Just Babe Ruth'd the Powerball

2/11/2015

 
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Doornag, God of Sidewalks
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That's right, I am calling my shot, I will win the lottery tonight.  I had a dream last night and I always listen when the gods speak to me; they are never wrong. I was presented with the Powerball numbers for tonight's drawing by Doornag the God of Sidewalks.  He presented the numbers to me via wheelbarrow which is a sign wealth and luck dating back to the Egyptians. The Wheelbarrow  contained 5 numbers...NO, I will not share these with you. I know what you are thinking, "That's not enough numbers Stoney Jones".  Well hold your horses!
This brings me to the second part of my dream.  After Doornag vanished into the mist, no more than 6.9 seconds later arrived Hash-Hash The God of Breakfast.  He presented me with an egg that I cracked open.  Out of the egg flew 39 little chickens!  Chickens have always been know as powerful creatures especially to the Aztecs.  So these 39 powerful little chickens represented the power ball number thus completing my $485 million dollar dream. 
The certainty that this dream provided was such that I have already quit my part-time job at Baskin-N-Robbins, and put a down payment on an iPhone9. So tomorrow morning when news breaks of my winnings, I will already be half way to Moscow.

Graciously Yours,

Stoney 'Lock-Shtock' Jones

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