Is there anything worse than a busy Friday? Come on this is the day of the week we've been looking forward to. We don't have time for nonsensical rants from people, this is a day best served with a glass of shut the hell up. Instead, it's often like a swift kick to the face and groin...kinda like this
If you're having a rough start, enjoy some of these interweb gems care of Stoney Jones:
The other night, while watching the boob-tube (aka YouTube's ugly cousin), my eyes were exposed to an overwhelming number of commercials. Some say there needs to be more truth in advertising and we completely agree. Enough is enough America, aren't you fed up with all of these bogus ads? We think it's time that advertising companies go with a more honest and direct route.
Coca-Cola: suggestion from The Enchantment
Currently: "Life begins here"
Instead: "Diabetes begins here" aka "please super size my insulin"
First you get a catchy little jingle then..."I'm Lovin' It"
Instead, it should start with a few subtle fart noises followed by "I'm Shartin' It"
Commercials all end with 2 lovers embracing at the end of the commercial and we get
"Every Kiss Begins With Kay"
Instead, keep the 2 lovers embracing but add a cash register noise at the end and close with
"This is gonna cost $3-5k"
"Just Do It"
Instead, how about "Ain't Worth It" Don't believe us? Look at these new shoes HERE
"Best part of waking up..." (high five yourself if you sang that in your head)
Instead, let's get real with it --> "Waking up sucks, but this helps"
"Here We Go"
This current slogan has a positive undertone which makes no sense for sucking down some cheap BL's....so instead, "Beer Pong Approved" OR a more direct approach "Let's Get Sh**faced"
"Real. Comfortable. Jeans."
Again, let's just get real with it --> "Room For Your Junk"
"Let's Go Places"
First off, in a Toyota, you're not going anywhere as you bought this solely to save on gas while you're stuck in traffic.
A more direct approach would've been --> "Made From Recycled Cans"
Have you noticed that Stoney Jones the man and $toney Jone$ the website both are looking a bit different these days? Well it's no coincidence. Both the man and the website had a bit of a facelift....ok, the man didn't actually get a facelift but you can't tell by looking at that chiseled jawline. Helloooooooo
Oooh it's that time ladies and gents, get ready for an exciting round of 'Guess My Race'!!!!!
you're a man, woman, rhino, lemon, or robot, you're bound to find something just for you. ONLY on stoneyjones.com