On Saturday May 26th, Rudy Eugene (pictured far right) was found eating the face off of a homeless man on a Miami causeway (read the whole story: here). Yes, you read that right, we said his FACE. When cops arrived on the scene, they were shocked to find that they were unable to get Eugene to stop by yelling at him. I guess they've never seen 28 Days Later. Since the officers were unable to get Rudy to stop, they were forced to shoot him (4 times, I might add).
If this story wasn't scary enough to make you pee a little, then try this on for size: when talking with the news about this incident, the head of the Miami Police, Armando Aguilar, stated, "We have seen, already, 3 or 4 cases that are exactly like this...". WHAT?!? 3 or 4 other cases just like this?!? Seriously, that is fricking scary. I think it is time for the United States Gov't to establish America's ZTF: Zombie Task Force. The ZTF will handle all zombie uprisings in a timely and orderly (well, as orderly as you can be when dealing with zombies) fashion.
Until the time when the ZTF is out on patrol, be sure to carry any or all of the following to aide in fighting off any potential zombie attackers:
1. Brass Knuckles (preferably with spikes)
2. Hand Grenades
4. Flame Throwers
5. Bows or Crossbows with plenty of arrows
6. Gatorade (hey, you gotta replenish after a hard day killing zombies)
You've been warned.
May the odds be ever in your favor,
$toney 'Day Walker' Jones