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Puh-puh-puh-puh Poker Face

4/12/2013

 
My Texas Holdem poker alias, as dubbed by most of the great poker underworld and upperworld, is Stoney "Stone Hand" Jones (you don't want to f with that).  I'm awesome at everything and I know a lot of the StoneNation plays poker. So I am here to give you a nickel's worth of free advice. If you want to make the big bucks, stay strict to these 10 basic steps and get more  kosher than a sausage McMuffin pizza in Yonkers.  

1. First off, contrary to popular and "scientific thoughts", you're going to want to get as drunk  as possible. By drunk as possible I mean at least a shot and a beer PER hand.

2. Follow rule #1 again just to be safe.

 3. Always remember your hand is the best hand. Doesn't matter if you're playing on online or face to face. Your hand is always the best hand. Period.

4. Bet BIG. Bet real big every time. For example: you have a 3k bankroll. Your hand  is 6 of clubs/9 of hearts. Don't worry about blinds just bet half of what you have at the very least.
 
5. If you didn't comprehend lesson #4, then you are not following  lessons one and two.. If you understand lesson four then you're off to a great start. 
 
 6. Money makes money, money makes money. Remember that.
 
 7. Pray to something. Card games are 100% luck no matter who tells you otherwise...that includes you Kevin Spacey in '21'. (Once you understand that you could never understand cards, luck, or faith, you will finally win some hands)
 
 8. I have never bet more than $100.00 on a single hand
 
 9. Analyze nothing.
 
 10. The best chance you have is to close your eyes and picture.. John Stamos.
  
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